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Aug. 25th, 2009

cyanrose

Restless

I keep starting drawings that are unfinished. I play a bit of WoW, bouncing around the Horde side for the first time. Feels a bit like I'm cheating on my Alliance characters, but whatever. Haven't written more to my novel idea. So much on the to-do list. I'm overwhelmed. Been watching some cooking shows -- god knows why! I can't cook. Wish I could though, seems sorta fun. Watched a couple of movies... one last night and one before (but that was on TV). Don't want to do anything again.

Back down the well.
Back down the hole.
No reason for it at all.

A pamphlet came in the mail for some classes, like art and stuff. Maybe I'll do it. I don't know.

Aug. 19th, 2009

cyanrose

Creativity Overload!

So I've been feeling better and feeling somewhat inspired to be creative again. I took out the ol' drawing pad, but I have to admit that I'm intimidated by the sheer talent I see everywhere and all my drawings appear just flat to me. I wish I knew how to do the amazing digital work I see and envy!

I've also been working on creating a world for a possible novel (right...) and I think I have a basic idea now. I have a prologue of sorts that I wrote some time ago and never used (it was based on a rather vivid dream). I liked it so well, I always hoped I could use it as a springboard for something significant. And I believe I have found a way to make it work!

My plan is to deftly maneuver my WoW characters (perhaps with some slight modifications) into this new universe and include the guild concept I designed. Now the real trick is just to pound on those keys and get it going. I'll post the prologue soon.

Aug. 17th, 2009

cyanrose

Learning to be me again...

Depression is quite the hole. So many people think it should be easy to crawl out of if you just put your mind to it, pull yourself up by the boot-straps, yadda yadda... The truth of it is that it is difficult to keep clawing you way up the deep well that is depression, and often you are kicked back down just as you overcome the lip of the ledge to freedom. What kicks you down? Sometimes you know the culprit -- but far more frustrating is when you so often do not recognize it. Being plunged back into darkness for no reason you can discern causes a sense of hopelessness and despair that is incredibly difficult to claw back through.

It's not that my life is anything to complain about, quite honestly. A few things could be better, but I know that I'm really living very well. It's the fighting in my mind and heart, it's the scorn for knowing that I should push through when I just cannot seem to summon the energy, it's when simple laundry becomes Mt. Frikkin' Everest and I just *know* it shouldn't be that difficult, that gut-wrenching.

I started my way up again. It started with a kick in the pants from my husband that quickly turned introspective. And then it started with a dirty dish. And it progressed to a clean kitchen. And now it's progressing to the list of things in my head that are *long* overdue. Slowly, I wade my way through the shit back to the top of this well. I only hope that something isn't waiting to kick my ass back down again.

Aug. 13th, 2009

cyanrose

Allow Myself to Introduce... Myself.

I'm a 27 year old married female who sometimes finds that she has stuff to say. Writing helps me sort out my thinking. The beginning of this should probably tell you a bit about me.

Transplanted mid-western US girl living in Canada working on getting a Visa. Play a lot of World of Warcraft: run an RP guild. Teaching degree in Elementary Education. Have two cats. I like to write fiction (fan-fiction for WoW) and I'm pretty good at it. I like to try to draw (heh) and watch movies. I used to do a lot of outdoors stuff, ATV-riding and the like, and would like to again. Been suffering from depression and homesickness, and that has put a damper on some of that stuff.

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